I’m sitting in my room, looking through the window. Thoughts are flashing through my head. In four days, it’s going to be my 24th birthday. It’s been four years since I had resolved to change myself and try to become Overhuman. Speed reading, memory techniques, Zen mode under stress, martial arts, language proficiency, advanced movement capability, strategizing against smart opponents, reading minutiae and details off a person’s clothes or their nonverbals, clarity in thought, withstanding lack of sleep or cold or hunger, hyperawareness… Just some of the things. There are many more things.
How did I do? Well, given that I had mentorship only for some of the things that interest me, and given that I was absolutely shit in everything I just mentioned four years ago:
- I can read a 200 page book of moderate difficulty in around 1.5 hours with full understanding
- I can memorize completely random sequences of numbers or things, such as my bank account number or licence plates
- I never panic when things get tough
- I’ve received an instructor’s licence in Wing Tzun (also, check out my training video)
- I’m C level in English, French and Swedish, and I teach Swedish at a language school
- I can do handstands, splits, backflips, big ass drops, Parkour runs, muscle-ups, semi-tuck front levers, horse stances, 0-inch punches
- I rarely lose at chess now
- I can tell people’s hidden emotions from their facial microexpressions; I can read their bodily displays (freeze, flight, fight; pacifiers); I can extrapolate to a moderate degree from the hair on their coats, the food stains on their sleeves, the cracks on their nails, the bumps in their pockets…
- I’m a lot more rational, due to Clearer Thinking courses, so I try to use Bayesian probability theory in everyday life, and I perceive when people use fallacious reasoning
- I shower exclusively with cold water and I practice Wim Hof breathing every day; I go on 16 – 36 hour fasts; I succesfully managed one particularly demanding training regimen on 4-5 hours of sleep a day
- I meditate daily; (usually) I see my thoughts as they form; I pay much more attention to my senses than before
It’s nice to have such a list, where I even managed to quantify some of the things – like the speed reading thing. It’s not only an “I am” list, but an “I can” list. I feel satisfied with my personal progression.
However, as you may surmise from the title of the post, this is not the subject of it.
Question: Why do I do this?
Answer: To destroy the world.
I’ve always been inclined towards activism; even in high school, I took part in protests, and we even managed to do a screening of Zeitgeist: Addendum at the school, which was for me sort of a big thing back then. But my enthusiasm for activism has been waxing and waning during university; I have felt the need to do something more than to replay the same game time and time again – somebody does something stupid, you try to influence them not to do it through a very rigid and predetermined set of communicative methods: posters, flyers, protests, media actions. It’s like a game of chess, but one that never seems to come to a close, one that simply remains in mid-game – forever. So I decided to get into something more concrete, something that not only criticizes, but something that gives alternatives: permaculture. I’m still in permaculture. I’m still in activism. I think they are all very important. But there was still something missing, even then.
I’ve resolved, more recently, roughly a year ago, that this world is not right in many ways, and that, if I am able, I ought to do something about it, but really, really, like, really really do something. Like, I don’t know, there might be a lot of intricate details as to why these bad things happen, and there might be an awful lot of people that argue that it’s too undetermined to support any one faction, or that a certain thing is not bad at all. There might be too much dispersion of responsibility, or doing something might be worse than not doing anything. But these things… These things simply shouldn’t be like this, wherever the reasons may lie, or whoever might be responsible for this. At an emphatetic human level, we feel that there is something wrong here:
I could put many more images here. Look at them intently, really focus on them. Don’t they make you just seethe with anger?
I mean… I know that we’re all going to die one day (okay, even that’s not sure anymore with the uploading of consciousness and whatnot, but just for the sake of the argument, let’s say that we’re all highly likely to die). The Earth will just cool down one day, the Sun will burn out all its fuel, and these little walking atoms of consciousness we call life will all stop being alive at one point. The nihilism is on point – there is no inherent point in doing anything whatsoever. Nothing makes a difference.
Except when you decide that it does make a difference, because, if it’s all the same, then we can all collectively decide that it’s not the same and take that as a guiding principle. Either way you look at it, you can either choose to care or choose not to care. I am inclined to choose to care.
And activism and permaculture are all laudable examples of care, as well as social entrepreneurship and political engagement, and even righteous military action. I feel that any one of these activities is a good thing for the world, if seen from a perspective of someone who chooses to care.
However, I have always been inclined to do the unconventional thing, and that is what I intend to do in fixing the world: I intend to break it, rip it apart, burn through it, make it crumble. At least that’s what I intend to do with the most messed up, evil and perverse things that are happening in the world. While my intention is not purely destructive, it is destructive to a certain extent. Not to say that I do not plan to build, lead, teach, help and care. Pure destruction is, more often than not, madness. But take a look at those photos again and tell me you can build/lead/teach/help/care people out of those situations, with no conflict, with no breaking, with no destruction. When confronted with an agressive husband that is going to rape you, you smash your elbow into his throat, you don’t sweet talk him out of it. When a religious fanatic opens fire on civilians at a concert, you don’t debate faith with him; you take cover, prepare your own firearm and aim for the head. There is a time and place for softness, for persuasion, for influence, for playing chess; and there is a time and place for escalation to the death. Sometimes it is wise to lose. Sometimes it is imperative to win.
The trouble with all of this is that it’s always so ambiguous, so uncertain, so dispersed. The action you take may have an adverse effect. You may create more difficulty, more pain and suffering because you wanted to help. Take, for example, Dubai. This is clearly an utterly wrong society. But what to do about it? If you simply raze the city to the ground, you’ve caused death and destruction, but have you helped anyone? If you take down its leadership, will a new one arise, or will the society fall prey to warring factions? If you choose simply to influence the culture of it, will you make any actual difference? In every wrong society there is a chain of personal responsibility. Each man and woman are responsible for their actions. Is the sheikh responsible for this situation, or are the people collectively responsible for not taking action, or any other group or person? The answer is never clear, and it is definitely not clear in this particular case. But despite the lack of clarity when ascertaining responsibility, we have as a result a very bad society. Is this ambiguity, this not knowing who is responsible, is it to stop us from fixing it? In my view, no. Somewhere along this line of responsibility, we ought to insert our action. The more effective our action, the stronger the dissagreement with certain people, and the more dangerous the repercussions from powerholders. In other words, if you want to thouroughly fix a corrupt system, you will in all likelihood be met with force. Dragons are not easy to slay.
I’ve been creating a particular skillset for the last four years, and it is this skillset I imagine will be key when I start burning through the world one day. I hope to spread my knowledge, connect with like-minded people, and do more good more effectively. It is funny – I actually made a list of all organisations I hope to break during my lifetime. Upon it figure terrorist regimes, fanatical fundamentalist organisations, modern slave societies…
I don’t know when or how yet, but my will is strong and my resolution is clear. Good things shall follow.