Crying under the shower

This knowledge is useful, so read this well – it took me more than 3 years in order to find this technique, I hope you will discover it in yourself in much less time.

What’s this about?

Basically, your body and mind, in one word, being, is more often than not under some form of stress, be it physical or psychological. Any kind of stress will result in emotions. You can be stressed by a hammer hitting you on the finger (a physical stress) but the end-result is emotions (in this case, probably anger).

This stress will resurface every now and then, depending on your lifestyle, but it will resurface in form of emotions. Imagine yourself as a pressure valve – you accumulate (emotional) pressure and then, if you don’t have a way of releasing it, and mind you, an effective way, you break apart, release a lot of it in a spur and then you’re empty. And then you start accumulating stress again.

Well, after 3 years of being aware of this fact and convincing myself that playing drums or writing or meditation or boxing would help me get it out, I realized that they might, but none come as close as simply crying under the shower.


le paint art


Yup. That’s right. I cry under the shower when I’m feeling stressed out because that’s my natural way of releasing all the shit outside without freaking anybody out. You know, you could cry in the park or in the street or near another person, but I hope you have someone cry-worthy for that then.

(Wow! Cry-worthy! That’s my new favorite word!)

But yeah, cry under the shower because it muffles the sound, no one wonders why you’re all alone (I sincerely hope you can at least shower alone), and the warm water feels nice. The symbolic cleansing accompanied by a real one, you know, the whole package!

I think that girls generally have this part really nicely covered because the societal expectations on them aren’t the same as for boys. That shit about boys not crying is shit. We feel the same pain and respond in the same manner. Crying is, for a lot of men, still a taboo, even when they’re all alone, with no one to make fun of them. It’s just something they try never to do, ignoring the fact that, one day, they will cry, regardless of do they want it or not. It’s the same attitude people used to have towards sexuality (at least in highly orthodox countries). You know, masturbation wasn’t something you were supposed to do. Well, this is the same, after a fashion. People act like they don’t have to do it, then break apart, do it, and then the circle starts again and people act like they don’t have to do it again.

In my view, this is a very limiting mindset which possibly makes you chose situations that won’t result in you crying. I have no proof of this – this is just a stab in the dark – but it does seem true (we should probably have studies comparing lifestyles of people that cry and of those that don’t). But even if you don’t unintentionally chose non-stressful situations because you’re afraid to cry, you still have a big disadvantage: you’re emotionally more unstable than your crying counterparts. You’re maybe two heated sentences away from crying as a baby and maybe it’s not strategically best. Maybe you need to assert control in front of a group of people. Maybe you just need to show that you’re strong. Maybe something else. Maybe it’s okay to cry – but then it should be you who decides, not the pressure valve. You can’t get rid of it (actually you can, lobotomy works great) but you can learn how to use it and control it.

So there, I gave you a great tool in order to manage your emotional self. Use it. Get used to your crying self. Note which muscles contract when you cry, and why your throat hurts when you do. Become acquainted with your crying self. It’s as important as your industrious, hard-working self, and infinitely more important than your persona.

Party hard, cry harder.



On unexplainable emotional states

I have this thing I call my “blackness”. It’s the best term I can find to describe it. It’s a sort of sadness, mixed with frustration, anger, and resentment. I would even say hate, sometimes. It’s also a sort of depression. Absolutely no creative drive and no will to do anything. It’s a type of thing that gets you nailed to your bed, not wanting to get up and do what you need to do, not wanting to have a drink of water when you’re thirsty. It’s a kind of thing that chains you to your thoughts, and builds a wall that obscures the outside world, so you just spin around and around in your mind, thinking, living again through past episodes of life, imagining new ones.

I have my blackness under firm control. Each time I feel it trying to resurface, I know that I’ve loosened up some of the ropes that hold it down: it might be that I’m not meditating enough, it might be a question of perspective (like, becoming too focused on some things in such a way you forget how truly unimportant they are on a cosmic scale) or it might be that my surroundings influence me – for example, certain people that have the amazing gift to make me feel bad – make me feel bad.

In any case, I do what I need to do in order to stop it from devouring my soul. Sometimes it just means taking a break, lying down and doing absolutely nothing until I become drowsy, fall asleep and wake up replenished and not blackened.

I manage it. In order to become overhuman, one must first become human.

It took me a long time to understand that a lot of times, my emotional states were just a reflection of the chemicals running through my veins. High serotonin, low dopamine, that type of stuff. My knowledge of human biochemistry is practically nil, but I do know that what we perceive as emotions is measurable by the amount of secretion of certain chemicals, such as serotonin, dopamine and endomorphin.

It’s nothing but a bunch of chemicals.

With that being said, one must understand that our emotional states are caused by these very chemicals, and that there are certain situations where it’s only and just them.

I know that not all people can relate to this, but I figure some can. You know those situations when you’re just sad or angry, or frustrated, and even being completely and utterly honest with yourself about the reason of that emotional state you still cannot find the source of it?

If you’re like me, you try to figure out why the hell you don’t feel good. You speak with a person that cares about you, and trying to speak about the problems you have, you see that, from a distanced rational perspective, your problems are no true problems at all. Yet you still feel bad.

I believe it’s called cognitive-emotional dissonance. Even though you rationally KNOW that your problems aren’t so problematic at all, you still feel bad and it won’t stop.

Well, enough with searching deeply within the psyche to find the grand source of the issue! There may or may not be a childhood trauma behind all those bad emotions you’ve been experiencing, but the fact is that even childhood trauma is only a simple chemical conditioning you never became aware of. CHEMICAL CONDITIONING. That’s that thing junkies do with heroin.

So, even though it may be the hardest thing in the universe, when you’re feeling bad, and you’ve removed all the factors that make you feel bad, you’ve seen your problems, and rationally, logically, they are so little that they shouldn’t even be problems, distance yourself. It’s hard to think about yourself in such a way. It’s hard to see your emotions as not having some grand issue behind them. It’s hard to reduce them to something so worldly and non-spiritual as chemistry. But we who seek control and unclouded thought must do this. And it can be done. So yes, distance yourself.

Distance yourself and recognize that the source of your misfortune might well lie in a complex chemistry equation.

And then, rise.